hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
