remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
