im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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