dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
