I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
