I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
