Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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