I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
