dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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