he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
