you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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