he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
