I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
