He is an equal opportunity slut.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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