I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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