come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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