I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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