Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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