I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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