I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
