Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
