check it out our google latitudes are spooning
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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