i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
