I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
