I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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