and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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