went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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