Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
