he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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