we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
