She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
