my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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