just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
