Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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