My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
