I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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