Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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