he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
