By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
