i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
