I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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