I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
