I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
