well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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