The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
