I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
