i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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