just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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