my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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