sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
