drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
