I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
