So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
